Who was I ?
Who was he?
I swore I loved him, and whispered soft endearments , breaking all boundaries of principles and years of building up walls, and he took it all in, like a hungry child takes in the piece of bread, gobbling it up and I felt empty inside.
And yet he demanded more.
And I broke with each impatient demand.
It felt like unwanted penetration.
But it was only a commitment.
Suddenly the fear resided,
not in the gradual fading of memories
but rather in their singular nature, provided
that when in future they be babbled out in reminiscence
they render not a companionable giggle
but rather a blank stare.
Annoyed, that was how I felt as I came back to my senses. It is awkward how downright crazy you can act in your dreams, and how bizarre-ingly true they can seem as you lie in your own little world from whence you can’t escape, much like Katniss. Later, someone in the same room would tell you how you were trashing your arms around and yelling incoherently (for which I am so thankful because I might have babbled something about a crush or stuff) and there is no height of embarassment but yet a subdued bitter sweet feeling, because I am more agressive and confident to react atleast in artifically created environments like divergents (or who knows maybe I was demanding to be let out of that crazy hell).
Sometimes I do wonder, was it worth 16 years of education to warrant a life long free membership to nightmares about all the exams which I did somehow ace in real life and all the times I was never even late for a single exam or how my prep was spot-on? Is this some evil karma from the heart of some dejected fellow buddy, some kind of a trick created for little miss goody-two shoes or is it my sadistic brain going on in insane circles around all the little things that I actually did manage to somehow pass in my life ?
Hmmm, I wonder …….
“The future you have, tomorrow, won’t be the same future you had, yesterday.”
― Chuck Palahniuk
In one of my classes, last week, I had a very rude awakening, almost reminded me of Aunty Acid in a way, with her satirical style. But unfortunately, this was a serious talk devised by Tom Peter who has also written the book “In search of excellence”. It was the mother of talks in terms of ending our sense of self complacency and making us aware of what lies ahead in future.
After reflecting deeply upon it, my final view on enduring in this age of revolutionary technology is that personal development, constant vigilance and proactive behavior are the key factors to live a successful life. Each day progressing towards the unpredictable future ahead of us, uncertainty is the only thing we can be sure of. This though made me extremely troubled that each day we are more and more in the clutches of becoming redundant or irrelevant and as General Eric put it “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less”. As a midly ambitious person with little interest for any particular career plans, I was quite quite quite shocked.
However, there is but one consolation: NO ONE IS AN EXPERT OF THE FUTURE, which means all of us have equal chances provided we aspire high and use our individual creative streaks and try to do new things in newer ways despite the risks and failure involved.
“The future has several names. For the weak, it is impossible; for the fainthearted, it is unknown; but for the valiant, it is ideal.”
― Victor Hugo
We are lucky that we belong to an era that pushes us to do more than just survive although it might seem like the most difficult task in the world. In this era mere survival is just a cliché, just as easy as breathing; we thus have to add value to this survival by following exciting opportunities and creating newer things each day. It all sound very easy but I realize it is difficult to remind yourself each day to not be complacent and sit around idly but actually do something. I hope I am able to do this after those persuasive ideas given in the last class.
“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.”
― Victor Hugo