Oh how they know how,
A dance of callousness,
A long silent stream of pain
(to the veins).
Oh it isn’t them,
It is merely your own
Stifled, tortured soul.
I am lost for words currently. I want to shriek out about how I feel and yet I have nothing of how to put it in words. I am trying, I am trying to talk to you. But mostly I feel very weird and uncertain about stuff. I feel stupid how you know nothing about me because you never ask and yet the word love springs out multiple times in each encounter. We are supposedly people who are very close and yet when I need you to understand stuff, I feel you act selfish and think only about yourself. I want to tell you about bruises and wounds and I don’t want you to make a fuss about it. Why are we so different, why? There is so much, and yet its like there is nothing.
I read a post that we shouldn’t feel the need to be fulfilled by another entity and I have grown out of that phase to a great extend , I know I am complete. But what about all that value addition I thought was possible? I see myself utterly confused.
What am I doing? Some days it feel I am pretending a whole circus out of my life with you.
Annoyance and hurt…… annoyance or hurt? lol
Too much inconvenience in life.
For I lay my life as a toast,
to a deep deathful slumber.
For no passion ignites my heart,
and no art seem worthwhile.
For no dream seem worth chasing,
and no beauty well defined.
Who was I ?
Who was he?
I swore I loved him, and whispered soft endearments , breaking all boundaries of principles and years of building up walls, and he took it all in, like a hungry child takes in the piece of bread, gobbling it up and I felt empty inside.
And yet he demanded more.
And I broke with each impatient demand.
It felt like unwanted penetration.
But it was only a commitment.
Suddenly the fear resided,
not in the gradual fading of memories
but rather in their singular nature, provided
that when in future they be babbled out in reminiscence
they render not a companionable giggle
but rather a blank stare.
Today I sit in utter melancholy and thus beware, and if you want to quit, here, I give you time 🙂
For the more patient souls, I have some things on my mind!
It pains me that how uncertain and how unbelievable the times are, and how scarce my footings against them! You know how it is as they say, we all need good company and no one, by Lord, needs it more than me, but it is scary how quickly things turn ugly and how soon everything turns to a stop. The contradiction of relationships, is my biggest woe by far!
How soon you become the support, the best friends, the undying love of someone and how we pledge of never letting go, only to see it all crumble, and fall down in an unearthly way! It overwhelms me and almost makes me afraid how easy it is to break away!
It pains me, how bad everything turns once someone too essential to our soul go, its like they took our words, our love, our ability to function without them, and it is scary how unstable the life turns, how much time it takes to recover!
Why do thing turn sour so easily and why are relationships so unrecoverable! well for now I only hope, the few closer ones I am left with, will stay, and to those who have gone: may they find better heavens, NOT! 🙂
“When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.
― Jarod Kintz
In life, we are always faced with times when we have to make the tough decisions, and life always wants the best out of you, because it throws the curve-balls for a purpose, so that it can judge you, to make its own decision of how to treat you on your ability to decide and life never treat you good for taking it lightly.
Always we tend to end on cross roads as to which alternative is to be taken, the one which everyone thinks is the wise one and tend to over-complicate things for you because your heart and instincts tell you otherwise, and stupidly enough this might be the more suitable alternative. However there is an alternative which your whole self accepts almost synchronically(if that’s even a word).
So in the end i am left with what to do? but someone very wise came up with the right advice: In the end, you dont wish to be artificial. And i like that.