More than anything in the world
I would simply love to be hugged
Letting all the pleasant emotions of happiness unfurl
Escaping all the dense layers of negativity, with a simple shrug
I want to be embraced without awkwardness
In a spur of moment, with no hesitation
It would be good to lean into someone with the intent to express
The deep crushing desire for comfort; for consolation.
Incessantly dreaming of satisfaction
I roam round and round,
On all the different paths of action
For the perfection, eternal and profound.
All the paths, so easily lead to you
My Lord, how stupid is my misconception
that without standing in front of you
I can gain anything, what vile self-deception.
I plead to you : Oh Lord,
Take me into your loving shelter and blessing,
for except this prayer, nothing more I implore
For I’m tired of meaningless digressing.
Some days I wake up
to my mom rushing around
or my dad at his office table
or sometimes with both of them with a frown
And just while I am having
a lazy moment of haze
They throw something angry at me
and it will force me in this faze
It would be something like “You don’t care for me”
or ” You will only wake up when I am dead”
but these phrases instantly go all the way to my brain
and I leave my state of dreamy happiness in vain
I know that they might not mean it really
or have said it in a burst of temporary exasperation
But even for the most disobedient careless child
they could pierce all the way to the heart; these crazy suggestions
At night these thoughts and remarks make me uneasy
and I check up on them while they sleep
I squint my eyes and see their bellies rising and falling in the dark
and only with this daily ritual can I fall back asleep
Each morning we smile at each other even though we feel grumpy about the baby waking us up for most parts of night, but you get into this familiar pattern where each morning it becomes more easier.
You know what the real problem is though? It’s the “What are you going to have in your breakfast ?” Each morning a mini battle ensues, a heated argument whereby my wife says or rather warn me that no, she is not going to let me have an egg. You know how it is with us men, we rather have what we said in the first place, or we arrogantly move away. This morning I silently listened to all the tantrums and reasoning my wife could come up with, and simply said “It’s the egg, or I will leave without having any breakfast” and she being the obedient creature that she is yielded and made me an egg.
This morning, I arrive at my workplace, all enthusiastic and fresh to crack up my new project, when I first felt the sign of a strange feeling in my left cheek but I ignored it. Later in the day I become more astonished and then alarmed when suddenly I could feel my left side of the face going all stiff and in minutes I could not even blink my eye. Suddenly I felt a heavy dread settled over me, and in those few minutes, my whole world revolved around me!! I quickly got off my table and certain close colleagues felt it and asked me what the problem was. As soon as I told them, I could see them really concerned and immediately said that I should be taken to a hospital!I ignored them but then when I saw that the feeling was not going I decided to go home. My mom and the driver immediately took me to the hospital, and to cut a long story short, it turned out, my blood pressure has shot up to enormous heights, almost being 160/110 and that had harmed me.
Yes, I had been having high blood pressure problem since some time but I have been ignoring it and going on with my life like it was nothing big, but this day made me realized, every little thing I do or don’t do, make me accountable for my life.
The argument my wife presented, of not giving me an egg, was because she cared much to much about me and doctors have already said, though in a subtle manner, that eating eggs everyday was not a wise option adding the fact that I am extremely obese!
Today I sit with my half stiff face (I might or I might not recover from this thing) and think how careless we turn towards our own health and how we think every little harm we do will never come up to anything major. We also think, Oh Man!! what’s the most that could happen? I will die, but no, in true eternity, I realized today that it doesn’t happen that way, rather, we suffer slowly and gradually like the way we slowly and gradually harm our own body, as it goes “As you sow, so shall you reap!!”
Note: This is something which happened to a close kin of mine, to have me moved so much that I have to write about it!