More than anything in the world
I would simply love to be hugged
Letting all the pleasant emotions of happiness unfurl
Escaping all the dense layers of negativity, with a simple shrug
I want to be embraced without awkwardness
In a spur of moment, with no hesitation
It would be good to lean into someone with the intent to express
The deep crushing desire for comfort; for consolation.
Some days I wake up
to my mom rushing around
or my dad at his office table
or sometimes with both of them with a frown
And just while I am having
a lazy moment of haze
They throw something angry at me
and it will force me in this faze
It would be something like “You don’t care for me”
or ” You will only wake up when I am dead”
but these phrases instantly go all the way to my brain
and I leave my state of dreamy happiness in vain
I know that they might not mean it really
or have said it in a burst of temporary exasperation
But even for the most disobedient careless child
they could pierce all the way to the heart; these crazy suggestions
At night these thoughts and remarks make me uneasy
and I check up on them while they sleep
I squint my eyes and see their bellies rising and falling in the dark
and only with this daily ritual can I fall back asleep
My earliest memories of dancing…Ah!
I remember my cousins and sister were preparing for my eldest cousin’s (on maternal side of the family) wedding and I got really excited about all the music and steps that they were choreographing for the pre-wedding ceremony of Mehndi. I wanted to be a part of it, but since I was around 10 to 12 years younger to all those big girls, I was thoroughly ignored as a young kid often is. But I was watching, and rehearsing all of those steps in my mind, practically all the time. I was obsessed with that particular dance and those different steps like moving in circles, changing places with partners etc. All this time, while they were busy rehearsing, I was busy planning how could I get a chance at some spotlight so I could show the world I was way better dancer. My chance came when my cousin came home after the wedding day, along with her husband, as is the custom in our family, when the bride comes to visit the family (this is also an innocent pretext to get some money and blessings). Everyone was sitting in the spacious sitting room and my mind was busy in finding a place empty enough where I could get ample space to dance. Somehow, my memory fails me in remembering how, I got my big chance and I twirled and whirled as if my life depended on it. When the song finally ended, I just didn’t want to stop at all, because the feeling of being in middle of all that attention and dancing with such perfection had some addiction to it. As my mind was spinning from all that twirling, I was barely able to get the expressions of the family members but when it all came in focus everyone was laughing like crazy and there was some sort of standing ovation thing going on as well. At that moment in time, I felt like the most happiest and content person in life, and I got my first shot at fame and I felt a little drunk with all that attention to be honest.
I remember doing the same dance in another wedding couple of years later, which was formally the end of my wedding dancer career, but I remember how happy dancing made me and what fun it was, and when the song used to end, I felt like the stereo system has committed some great offense against me. I remember getting into a serious altercation (which later became an interesting party joke on my behalf) that the song should be played again because the first time around, someone has stopped it before my last great step. That song is still in my memory and I chuckle at that little-girl memory of dancing and how confident I was at that time to dance in front of anyone and everyone and how much it meant to me. If asked to dance any of these days publicly, I would run away in another direction altogether and return only and when the ceremony is over.
P.S. : Between me, and my two legs, I managed to dance a dance which was originally choreographed for four people, if I say so myself 😀 (Boasting much?)
So I was getting really awfully bored and I thought, Let’s think of a blog post! And here it is!!!!!
Well we all have our moments of glory when we get lost and when found, it is like we are the most loved person ever on the face of the Earth with all the crying and hugging going on (but the glory is short lived, so enjoy it while it lasts :D).
So my first time as a lost child came at the time when I was quite young and thus have no account of it, however my family, like all families, has repeated this story in front of family and friends so many times, offered like a piece of snack, but it never loses its crunch, because Dad always acts it out along while narrating it.
So it happened at Dad’s friend’s son wedding, whereby the responsibility of looking after all the three kids was solely on my Mom’s shoulder. It was sometime before my mom noticed along with my sister, that I was missing. They started searching for me but I was nowhere to be found and it was precisely at this time, when food was announced to be served. There was a mass movement towards the nearest food tables and the job of searching for a child amidst this huge crowd became even more excruciating. It was at this time that my Mom, sister and brother ran, almost in hysterics towards my dad. My dad at this point in time, had decked his plate to enormous length with his favourite Sheekh kababs and had a difficult time deserting it.
All these four people went to the guard who confirmed that no child could escape the marriage lawn under his watchful eyes and that they should go and check the fountain. It was precisely by the fountain they found me,( I always knew I had sharp eyes for aesthetics) and thus I was hugged and passed along and then kissed some more, while I was totally ignorant to what havoc I caused.
Unfortunately, after this episode, my parents just deserted the food, and everyone came back home 😀