Annoyed, that was how I felt as I came back to my senses. It is awkward how downright crazy you can act in your dreams, and how bizarre-ingly true they can seem as you lie in your own little world from whence you can’t escape, much like Katniss. Later, someone in the same room would tell you how you were trashing your arms around and yelling incoherently (for which I am so thankful because I might have babbled something about a crush or stuff) and there is no height of embarassment but yet a subdued bitter sweet feeling, because I am more agressive and confident to react atleast in artifically created environments like divergents (or who knows maybe I was demanding to be let out of that crazy hell).
Sometimes I do wonder, was it worth 16 years of education to warrant a life long free membership to nightmares about all the exams which I did somehow ace in real life and all the times I was never even late for a single exam or how my prep was spot-on? Is this some evil karma from the heart of some dejected fellow buddy, some kind of a trick created for little miss goody-two shoes or is it my sadistic brain going on in insane circles around all the little things that I actually did manage to somehow pass in my life ?
Hmmm, I wonder …….
Why did they never feel,
the same pleasure as they did
(when the elder sister was
amongst the standing ovation
proclaimed as a successful engineer)
when they saw her first painted Vase.
Why did they not encourage her
to try new mediums and buy new supplies
Rather she tried to found new ways to stir
any interest in their eyes.
For her “waste of time” career
which they despised.
Today she stands in her gallery
Amidst a huge crowd of admirers
and yet she feels so dispirited inside
Because even though she is
a renowned artist, there is no one
from the family, to receive her tonight.