He holds onto her hand, either out of the fear of losing her or maybe that is what he has seen so often, and this last fleeting gesture of seeking comfort in the nearness of beloved, repeated countless times, is etched in his mind. He doesn’t know how much more time he has and it is impossible not to think of the looming doom upon his head. He looks at her and tries to keep his composure, so as not to hurt her any further and rather calm her down. ‘I want to be your strength, my love’ he thinks and traces his thumb gently over her delicate face.
She lies on the bed, pale, shrunken and like a ghost of the past already. Every breath she takes, make it sound like an effort pulling at the very core of her heart. The only part of her which still feels alive is her eyes. The deep blue of her eyes seems restless, as if a fish after being caught in a net. The very last of her strength is draining slowly and she opens her mouth to whisper some inaudible words.
He comes closer to her and puts his ears near to her mouth. She sighs ever so slightly, so patient even in her last moments. “Take care of Amile and …” she pauses and rests her hand on his head, “gain strength and grow well for the both of us, while….” He couldn’t hear the rest of it because he felt a sensation like an electrical shock crushing his very soul and he slips away from her.
He couldn’t stand the misery and disbelieve her words causes him, and does she not know? “Gain strength?” he sputters and looks at her incredulously, “How could you even ask that of me?”He stands rigid and decides that he can’t face her anymore; it’s too much to ask of any mortal.
He feels angry beyond comprehension and realizes that lava of burning hot fire is seething inside him. Something shifts inside the room, a very imperceptible turn but they both feel it because he hears her pleading for him to come to her and hold her. He doesn’t hesitate for a second and she is in his arms in a swift movement and he can feel strange wetness on his face. He feels silent tremors and is not sure which of them is shaking. “Sing me our song”, she says.
In a scratchy voice barely audible to anyone he starts to sing tonelessly but starts to make his way into the soft melody:
‘A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars
I’d walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we’ll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you’re to blame’
He can see she is smiling that warm loving smile that made him mad the very first time he saw her and he was besotted from the word go. His family thought she was very plain and his friends, who knew the mystery behind her presence in the lands, openly condemned it as illegal and thought that he was a fool for following an ‘emagrati’ (a common word for immigrant in our part) and that they were destined to be star crossed lovers, and nothing more from the start.
He never cared much for her status as an immigrant or considered her plain because he was in love for the first time and whenever she was around he felt a strong magical pull towards her. A long forgotten elaborate poem by Yeats came to his mind whenever she was around and he still remembered the glimmer in her shining eyes the first time he recited it to her:
To Ada, my love:
‘Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Inwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams’.
They had danced all night long and the poem in itself has been a way to ask her to marry him and thus as was the cosmic plan, they eloped within a month of meeting each other, quietly with attendance of few close friends. They never even consider the danger that her illegal immigrant status might pose to their relationship or the terrible circumstances that now inflicted themselves upon them. They were young and naïve and thought that nothing could stand in the way of their eternal love, which obviously was foolish of them and he is amazed at how long they still got to be together without any suspicions from authorities. However, it ended one fateful day and all the others like her, who were considered nothing more than mere filth crowding this sacred land, were suddenly being specially sought after, so that they could be removed. He remembers how for months they felt a tight scrutiny around themselves and felt a paralyzing fear whenever anyone in official looking attire stared at them for a tad too long.
He feels a pressure on his shoulder and it’s Amile. They stare at each other and then he feels her shifting in his arms, fluttering like a bird, to hold her baby. She hugs him tightly and I can see fear and confusion in his eyes.
He feels as if his insides have turned to ice and the very prospect of Amile growing up without Ada is pure heart wrenching to him. Kevin, his brother, enters the room and nod slightly towards him and then says softly that it is time to let go. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out and he feels weak and thinks his legs will not support him to the place of execution. However, he puts up a last brave attempt and moves her bed slowly until they reach the place of execution. He can hear faint screams and sobs, while a strong smell of dying souls emanate from the place. From here on the moments stretching beyond take a dreamy or more like nightmarish quality and he loses count of time and remembers only faintly the dark reaching out and sucking his beloved Ada forever into an abyss, from where no living soul ever escaped.
Samuel can feel a hollow feeling as he comes around and looks at the doctor worriedly. The doctor, however, smiles kindly at him and says that his liposuction procedure has been done safely and he can now live a more fit and happy life.
Samuel had gained a lot of fat over years of eating greasy food and living a stagnant life, leading to a massive weight gain. He tried to lose as much as he could but then the stubborn fat cells in his body refused to budge and a liposuction was suggested. He feels a calm settle over him and a drunken sense of optimism swell inside him with the idea of beginning a new, improved life from right this moment.
Pretend to laugh, pretend to smile
Because when finally they meet your eyes
They see the triumph,
The war with the life, an intrepid defiance
In that instant, you are their hero
They come forward, to make tenacious alliance
Dare you decide to weaken your resolve?
The reverence and high esteem in an instant will devolve
The minute you talk openly of your fears
They are upon you like a wild, fierce bear
The trick is easy, never rant or whine
Come now, and show this world some spine
Wear not your heart on your sleeve again
It hinders your vigor, focus and ken
Each morning we smile at each other even though we feel grumpy about the baby waking us up for most parts of night, but you get into this familiar pattern where each morning it becomes more easier.
You know what the real problem is though? It’s the “What are you going to have in your breakfast ?” Each morning a mini battle ensues, a heated argument whereby my wife says or rather warn me that no, she is not going to let me have an egg. You know how it is with us men, we rather have what we said in the first place, or we arrogantly move away. This morning I silently listened to all the tantrums and reasoning my wife could come up with, and simply said “It’s the egg, or I will leave without having any breakfast” and she being the obedient creature that she is yielded and made me an egg.
This morning, I arrive at my workplace, all enthusiastic and fresh to crack up my new project, when I first felt the sign of a strange feeling in my left cheek but I ignored it. Later in the day I become more astonished and then alarmed when suddenly I could feel my left side of the face going all stiff and in minutes I could not even blink my eye. Suddenly I felt a heavy dread settled over me, and in those few minutes, my whole world revolved around me!! I quickly got off my table and certain close colleagues felt it and asked me what the problem was. As soon as I told them, I could see them really concerned and immediately said that I should be taken to a hospital!I ignored them but then when I saw that the feeling was not going I decided to go home. My mom and the driver immediately took me to the hospital, and to cut a long story short, it turned out, my blood pressure has shot up to enormous heights, almost being 160/110 and that had harmed me.
Yes, I had been having high blood pressure problem since some time but I have been ignoring it and going on with my life like it was nothing big, but this day made me realized, every little thing I do or don’t do, make me accountable for my life.
The argument my wife presented, of not giving me an egg, was because she cared much to much about me and doctors have already said, though in a subtle manner, that eating eggs everyday was not a wise option adding the fact that I am extremely obese!
Today I sit with my half stiff face (I might or I might not recover from this thing) and think how careless we turn towards our own health and how we think every little harm we do will never come up to anything major. We also think, Oh Man!! what’s the most that could happen? I will die, but no, in true eternity, I realized today that it doesn’t happen that way, rather, we suffer slowly and gradually like the way we slowly and gradually harm our own body, as it goes “As you sow, so shall you reap!!”
Note: This is something which happened to a close kin of mine, to have me moved so much that I have to write about it!
Today I sit in utter melancholy and thus beware, and if you want to quit, here, I give you time 🙂
For the more patient souls, I have some things on my mind!
It pains me that how uncertain and how unbelievable the times are, and how scarce my footings against them! You know how it is as they say, we all need good company and no one, by Lord, needs it more than me, but it is scary how quickly things turn ugly and how soon everything turns to a stop. The contradiction of relationships, is my biggest woe by far!
How soon you become the support, the best friends, the undying love of someone and how we pledge of never letting go, only to see it all crumble, and fall down in an unearthly way! It overwhelms me and almost makes me afraid how easy it is to break away!
It pains me, how bad everything turns once someone too essential to our soul go, its like they took our words, our love, our ability to function without them, and it is scary how unstable the life turns, how much time it takes to recover!
Why do thing turn sour so easily and why are relationships so unrecoverable! well for now I only hope, the few closer ones I am left with, will stay, and to those who have gone: may they find better heavens, NOT! 🙂