life

Blur

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Oh how they know how,

A dance of callousness,

A long silent stream of pain

(to the veins).

Oh it isn’t them,

It is merely your own

Stifled, tortured soul.

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Soulmates?? Nah.

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I am lost for words currently. I want to shriek out about how I feel and yet I have nothing of how to put it in words. I am trying, I am trying to talk to you. But mostly I feel very weird and uncertain about stuff. I feel stupid how you know nothing about me because you never ask and yet the word love springs out multiple times in each encounter. We are supposedly people who are very close and yet when I need you to understand stuff, I feel you act selfish and think only about yourself. I want to tell you about bruises and wounds and I don’t want you to make a fuss about it. Why are we so different, why? There is so much, and yet its like there is nothing.

I read a post that we shouldn’t feel the need to be fulfilled by another entity and I have grown out of that phase to a great extend , I know I am complete. But what about all that value addition I thought was possible? I see myself utterly confused.

What am I doing? Some days it feel I am pretending a whole circus out of my life with you.

Annoyance and hurt…… annoyance or hurt? lol

Too much inconvenience in life.

Drowning in purposelessness

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For I lay my life as a toast,
to a deep deathful slumber.
For no passion ignites my heart,
and no art seem worthwhile.
For no dream seem worth chasing,
and no beauty well defined.

Open letters- I wish someone would write this for me

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Dear Sara,
I am sitting here with my coffee tumbler (as you aptly call it)  in front of me and I feel no need to drink this elixir of hope we call coffee. I miss you. I can almost imagine your beautiful face beyond the steam of freshly brewed coffee and your barely contained excitement and I can hardly make my way through these words you say, they puzzle me. I see this dancing spirit in your eyes and I am already in another time, another landscape. Perhaps we are old and with our weak knees and bones grumble about youths or we are dancing down a slope in a frenzy of expert moves and maneuvers. You scold me later but darling, how do I turn down these invitations of ecstatic promises. Hold my hand and make me stay in now.
Yours forever,
Rhett

Sweet nothings

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Who was I ?

Who was he?

I swore I loved him, and whispered soft endearments , breaking all boundaries of principles and years of building up walls, and he took it all in, like a hungry child takes in the piece of bread, gobbling it up and I felt empty inside.

And yet he demanded more.

And I broke with each impatient demand.

It felt like unwanted penetration.

But it was only a commitment.

 

 

 

A drunk driver

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The word best in front of friend
Was like a red traffic light
On the roadside,
Tread carefully
For a drunk raging driver could still come,
and blow you away,
It was not for surety of safety,
It still screamed a warning.

Waiting upon a baseless ideal

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If love was geometrical,
I waited forever with
A triangle of a heart
In hope to find a match
And make a diamond
of a relationship.
But all I came across,
Was an array of alternate lines.