She smiles at me sarcastically
Demurely at first and then stead fast
Why are you tearing these pages drastically?
Why don’t you incinerate them?
like the past.
I looked at her; bemused
I smile at her quizzical look
And gravelly I add then
These are the words I wrote
with my heart.
I was a sadistic arsonist
and I loved the smell of burn
However these words,
I spend all my life to learn and spurn
If they burn, I will be singed too.
Why did they never feel,
the same pleasure as they did
(when the elder sister was
amongst the standing ovation
proclaimed as a successful engineer)
when they saw her first painted Vase.
Why did they not encourage her
to try new mediums and buy new supplies
Rather she tried to found new ways to stir
any interest in their eyes.
For her “waste of time” career
which they despised.
Today she stands in her gallery
Amidst a huge crowd of admirers
and yet she feels so dispirited inside
Because even though she is
a renowned artist, there is no one
from the family, to receive her tonight.
My earliest memories of dancing…Ah!
I remember my cousins and sister were preparing for my eldest cousin’s (on maternal side of the family) wedding and I got really excited about all the music and steps that they were choreographing for the pre-wedding ceremony of Mehndi. I wanted to be a part of it, but since I was around 10 to 12 years younger to all those big girls, I was thoroughly ignored as a young kid often is. But I was watching, and rehearsing all of those steps in my mind, practically all the time. I was obsessed with that particular dance and those different steps like moving in circles, changing places with partners etc. All this time, while they were busy rehearsing, I was busy planning how could I get a chance at some spotlight so I could show the world I was way better dancer. My chance came when my cousin came home after the wedding day, along with her husband, as is the custom in our family, when the bride comes to visit the family (this is also an innocent pretext to get some money and blessings). Everyone was sitting in the spacious sitting room and my mind was busy in finding a place empty enough where I could get ample space to dance. Somehow, my memory fails me in remembering how, I got my big chance and I twirled and whirled as if my life depended on it. When the song finally ended, I just didn’t want to stop at all, because the feeling of being in middle of all that attention and dancing with such perfection had some addiction to it. As my mind was spinning from all that twirling, I was barely able to get the expressions of the family members but when it all came in focus everyone was laughing like crazy and there was some sort of standing ovation thing going on as well. At that moment in time, I felt like the most happiest and content person in life, and I got my first shot at fame and I felt a little drunk with all that attention to be honest.
I remember doing the same dance in another wedding couple of years later, which was formally the end of my wedding dancer career, but I remember how happy dancing made me and what fun it was, and when the song used to end, I felt like the stereo system has committed some great offense against me. I remember getting into a serious altercation (which later became an interesting party joke on my behalf) that the song should be played again because the first time around, someone has stopped it before my last great step. That song is still in my memory and I chuckle at that little-girl memory of dancing and how confident I was at that time to dance in front of anyone and everyone and how much it meant to me. If asked to dance any of these days publicly, I would run away in another direction altogether and return only and when the ceremony is over.
P.S. : Between me, and my two legs, I managed to dance a dance which was originally choreographed for four people, if I say so myself 😀 (Boasting much?)